Swords and Sheathes
by Maru-sha
Summary: Young Inuyasha and Sesshomaru want to know what the strange sounds coming from their mother and father's room at night are. Will Inutaisho be able to tell them without scarring them for life ? Maybe visuals will help. Enjoy !


Maru-sha: Here we go with another one-shot ! Laugh and Enjoy !

There comes a time in every young demon's life when he or she wonders the deep mysteries of the world. Like...what are those funny sounds that come from their parent's room

"Dad ! Where are you !" Inu-yasha shouted, running throughout the house looking for him. "He's with mom in the kitchen. What do you need to see him for ?" Sesshomaru asked as he tripped Inu-yasha. The hanyou growled at him, but then went silent. "I wanna ask him about...the noises" he said softly.

"The noises ?" the elder brother said in a confused tone.

"Yeah ! The sounds that come from him and mom's room at night !" Inu-yasha shouted. Quite honestly, Sesshomaru wanted to know what those sounds were as well, but sometimes they just put him to sleep.

"Alright then little brother, let go ask father your silly question" he said, leading the way downstairs.

"It's not silly !" Inu-yasha whined as he followed.

"Father !" Sesshomaru cried as he ran up and stood in front of Inutaisho.

"Yes, son ? Is something wrong ?" he asked in a worried tone.

"Yeah, he found out he's a guy and not a girl !" Inu-yasha laughed. Inutaisho only threw the book he was reading at Inu-yasha in response to his comment.

"I'm sure Sesshomaru is fully aware of his sex !" he scolded.

"Owie..." Inu-yasha cried, rubbing his head where the large book had hit him.

"Now what did you want to ask me ?" Inutaisho asked.

"What are those sounds that come from you and mom's room at night ?" Sesshomaru asked.

"Yeah, what are they dad ?" Inu-yasha asked excitedly. Inutaisho's eyes grew wide with shock.

"Uhhh...well..." he tried to say, clearing his throat. Mother, who was also in the kitchen, almost cut her cutting-board in half from hearing the question.

Inu-yasha's eyes were wide with wonder while Sesshomaru held onto Inutaisho tighter. "Well...this isn't an easy thing to answer. I'll need a visual" he said, getting up and retrieving a newly made sword.

"Aahh, he's gonna kill us ! RUN !" Inu-yasha screamed, hiding behind Sesshomaru.

"What do you mean 'us' ?"

"No one's getting killed, damn it ! Now, you see this sword ?" Inutaisho asked. Both Inu-yasha and Sesshomaru nodded. "Okay, now think of the sword as a man and the sheathe a woman" he continued, taking the sword out of the sheathe.

"So men come from girls !" Sesshomaru asked with a look of horror on his face. "No son...well...they do, but just work with me !" his father said irritably, swinging around the sword expertly.

"Yeah, shut-up !" the hanyou shouted at Sesshomaru.

"Now, when a man and woman really love each other...they go to sleep together in the same bed...while naked. No pajamas" he explained.

"EWWWWW !" Inu-yasha and Sesshomaru said disgusted tone.

"I know it's hard to understand, but when you'll grow up, you'll like seeing women naked !" Inutaisho said.

"Like you ?" Sesshomaru asked.

"Uhh...what ?"

"I saw you looking at a naked lady on the computer once !" the eldest son said. "Gah ! Don't say that with your mother here !" he shouted.

Too late...Mother threw every knife in the kitchen at him. "I'm sorry, dear ! Please don't kill me in front of the kids !" Inutaisho as he effortlessly knocked each of the knifes away with the sword he was still holding.

"You're sleeping on the couch all this week !" Mother yelled as she stomped past him.

"But we haven't missed a beat since Sesshomaru was born !"

Mother's only response to that was slamming the door behind her as she went into their room. "Is mom mad at you for watching the naked ladies on the computer ?" Inu-yasha asked.

"Never mind that ! Let me finish !" he said, taking hold of the sheathe.

"Okay, now when the man and woman are in bed together. The man inserts his...umm...sword into the woman's sheathe ! Like this !" Inutaisho demonstrated, placing the sword into the sheathe.

"Won't that hurt the woman ?" Sesshomaru asked inventively.

"Only for the first few seconds. Especially if it's a demon sword going into a human sheathe. The average male demon's sword is ten inches long !"

"My sword is gonna be bigger than yours !" Sesshomaru laughed at Inu-yasha.

"Oh yeah ! I'll just sharpen and wax mine everyday so it'll be BETTER than yours !" Inu-yasha snarled.

"But the size of the sword matters ! Right father ?" Sesshomaru said, facing Inutaisho.

"Uhh...it is true, women do like men with larger swords !" Inutaisho admitted, grinning inwardly. Inu-yasha pouted and whined.

"Ahem, anyway...there are many ways a man and woman can act in bed. For example, if they are both mad at each other, they'll move their swords and sheathes in and out of each other like this !" he said, pulling and pushing the sword and sheathe together and apart rapidly.

Inu-yasha and Sesshomaru both looked as if they were gonna be sick.

"And sometimes the woman is really horny and pressures the male to go faster and put more feeling into it ! She'll most likely say 'Say my name, bitch !' over and over while making the poor male do his hardest. And if you don't please her, she'll call you toothpick all day long the next morning !" Inutaisho growled, since this had happened to him a few weeks ago.

"What does horny mean, dad ?" Inu-yasha asked.

"When she calls you toothpick, is she insulting your sword since it's not sharp or big enough ?" Sesshomaru added.

"Inu-yasha, erase that word from you vocabulary or I'll see you in my office later ! As for your question Sesshomaru, you're absolutely right !" Inutaisho said.

"Toothpick !" Sesshomaru shouted, pointing at Inu-yasha. Inutaisho hit him over the head.

"Only a girl can call a boy toothpick, damn it !" he scolded.

"Yes father..."

"So the sounds coming from you and mom's room is just you putting your sword in her sheathe ?" Inu-yasha asked, finally getting what his father was saying.

Inutaisho blushed and nodded. "That's right. It's a wonderful feeling too !" he declared.

"Awesome ! Can I go over to Kagome's house now ?" the little hanyou asked with big puppy eyes.

"Sure you can" the proud father said.

"Yay !" he cheered, almost flying out through the front door. Inutaisho's smile then turned into a look of shock and horror as realization hit him.

"Wait Inu-yasha !" he yelled, before taking off after him. Sesshomaru ran outside and watching him run after Inu-yasha down the street.

"What's the matter father ? He just wants to put his sword in Kagome's sheathe !" he called after them.

The End

Maru-sha: Don't hate me ! I just HAD to write this ! I hope you enjoyed it. Please review so I can write more funny one-shots soon ! Sayonara for now !


End file.
